


Start remembering, Start healing.

by ThirdEyeOpening



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Child Abuse, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, author tortures characters, mild violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-29
Packaged: 2018-03-26 02:35:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3833782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThirdEyeOpening/pseuds/ThirdEyeOpening
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Geoff makes a huge mistake that sends ray into a downwards spiral of depression into his past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"LEEEEETTSSSS PLAAAYYYYY" 

All six men were in the office for a busy day of recording. Minecraft was loaded up on the screens and a few chuckles were heard at the loud outburst from the youngest lad. 

This was their second video of 6 that needed to be recorded and the migraine of a certain gent was slowly rising, it wasn't even 10am yet. 

Geoff and gavin had been out the night before, enjoying a beautiful wednesday night in Austin. The eat was rising and everything was green and in bloom. This obviously meant bevs and a bike ride for the two. Though, those bevs became shots and the ride became a bar hop until 3am. through which the oldest gent had drunkenly crashed his bike twice and lost his wallet. Needless to say he was hungover and pissed off. 

gavin thought the events were hilarious and reminded the gent all morning and on the ride to work about the crashes, innocently commenting on his scrapped up arms, a wild smirk on his face. These were things that birthed the mother of all headaches for the older man, he refused to believe it was from the drinking and blamed it solely on the lad. It didn't help that griffon hadn't been home that morning, being at yet another folk event, carving totem poles for young hipster with too much money. Just yet another reason for the man to be cranky, at least that's how he justified it. 

It didn't help that this was the third time trying to start the video because of the others fucking around. 

The boss just sighed and restated the game, sending invites. 

"Dick heads! Can we just start this thing?!" He yelled, ignoring the odd looks his outburst received. 

The giggling and over all noise quieted down as the others turned towards their screens, the silence was only cut but a mildly unenthusiastic "lets play." 

oOo 

Geoff a head ache had moved to his temple and throbbed with every mistake his pixelated character made. Twice he had lost his pickaxe but he was so so close, he just needed one more item to complete the challenge. A small smirk being the only indicator to his soon-to-be victory. Just as the gent was emerging from a cubed cave opening, a tuxedo wearing figure jumped from the mouth of the cave, killing him effectively with one swing of a diamond sword. 

"RAY" was all that was shouted before the oldest gent threw his controller and stood up pulling his hair. Everyone was laughing at this point as rays character scooped up geoffs items, effectively winning.

A muffled and hardly sincere "sorry boss" came from the youngest lad, he had a hand pressed over his mouth, trying to quiet the deep giggles he was making. 

After the recording was ended and the game shut down, all eyes shifted too the angry man, who was now sitting on the couch, hands still clenched in his hair, as is he was in pain. The others didn't know but he truly was, his headache had spiked to an all time high and white spots were dancing in his eyes. He was utterly miserable. 

The youngest stood with a cocky smirk, and approached the man, Michael quickly pulling out his phone to film a no-doubt hilarious behind the scenes shot. 

"Sorry old man, did I steal your thunder?" Asked the Puerto Rican, shoving his hands in his pockets and shrugging his shoulders, trying to pull a reaction from the man. 

"Go away ray..." Was all he received. 

"Awe Geoffrey!" Came a British voice "are you being a minge?"

At this the man stood and threw a pillow at his British idiot, earning a squawk and even more laughter. No one noticing the genuine look of anger in the gents eyes. 

Geoff stood up and seethed, the laughter only pounding into his head with each higher pitch, it didn't help that ray was so close. His deep laugh sending pains into the gents mind and clouding his judgement. The only thought was ''make it stop!' 

And he did. 

By swinging around and driving a tattooed fist into the face of his youngest employee. 

The hard sound of bone on flesh rang out through the room, effectively killing the laughter. Five pairs of eyes locked onto the lad as Michael hissed out an angered hiss of "Geoff!" 

The man in question was staring wide eyed at the boy he just hit. Backing up, his legs hit the couch and he collapsed onto it. 

Ray was looking away, his head still facing in the direction of the punch. 

Seeming to snap out of it, Geoff jumped off the couch and approached the young man again. "God ray I'm so sorry I don't know what happened I just-" he was cut off by small flinch when he reached for the lad. 

Almost in a blink the lads head snapped up, a smile a bit too large plastered on his face. 

"It's fine Geoff! I shouldn't have pissed you off. I'm the one that should be sorry. I'm really sorry!" His tone was strained and the smile slipped a little at the end of his rambling. 

"No ray, it doesn't matter I shouldn't have hit you! I had no right." He reached a hand out to the man, almost missing the small look of fear in the lads eyes as he glanced at the hand. Before the same offending hand could reach his shoulder the lad ducked out and chuckled nervously as he walked back to his desk. 

"Let's just forget about it, Kay?" He pulled on his head phones and started preparing his files for the thugs.


	2. Chapter 2

Upon walking into his apartment, Ray immediately flopped onto his couch with a shaky sigh. He knew this day would come- the day his friends realized how much of a fuck up he was. He wasn't mad at Geoff for hitting him, he was relieved that he could stop living the lie that was his cocky persona. He was sick of getting up everyday with a smirk and act like nothing was wrong. Though... as relieved as he was, he couldn't help but feel the crushing weight in his chest once again, that feeling of a hand slowly gripping your heart until you swear it's no longer beating. 

He hasn't felt that way since he was 18. When he was still at home with his father, while barely keeping in contact with his mother. Everyday he would get back from school and clean the house, shove beer cans and bottles into a bag and take them outside. God forbid he forget one, if his father saw a mess when he returned home from work- Ray shuddered at the thought. 

He lost count how many times his father had beaten him. Sometimes it was only a small smack to the back of the head if he mumbled. Or as far as a broken rib from taking back. Ray never visited the hospital growing up, and the result was horrible scaring across his skinny body. 

Rolling onto his back he reached a hand under his t-shirt to the thick scars that curled around his body. Dark lashes from willow branches that his father had cut from the backyard. He could still feel the phantom pains and tears invaded his eyes against his will. He told himself he wouldn't cry anymore, but with the growing bruise on his face it was hard not to. Wet tears flowed down his cheeks as he fell asleep. 

o0o 

When Ray was newly 18 and about to graduate he had already tried to maintain as many jobs as he could. He even babysat bratty kids for days just to make enough money to move out. About a month into the summer after he graduated he had enough. 

Enough to move out and live comfortably for at least a month or two if he was lucky. After looking around he found a small apartment

So without telling his father, Ray waited for nighttime, when his father was usually out drinking and packed as much as he could carry. As he snuck down the stairs he froze when he noticed a lamp on. 

"Where do you think you're going, boy?" Came a slurred voice, alcohol making his accent thicker. "Finally leaving your old man? Just like your mother, you're both pathetic." 

Ray couldn't help it, he dropped his bag and seethed. Not once in 5 years had his father mentioned him mom. He himself only talked to her once a year on his birthday, she didn't know the horrors he son went through everyday. 

"Don't you dare say anything about her! You shut you're fucking mouth!" 

Before he could blink or even realize what was happening, his father had him pinned to the wall, a thick fist wrapped in the thin boys shirt. 

"What did you say to me?" he growled out, ray knew not to answer.   
"Are you defending that bitch?! She left us 6 years ago and you still care? She never loved you, as soon as times got tough she skipped out." 

Ray could feel his fathers breath on his face as the drunkard moved forward, the stench of alcohol so thick it choked him. 

"You know what, boy? Leave. You'll be one less mistake in my life. Go run off to whatever you have planned, but when everything fails and you're left on your ass, call me, so I can have a good laugh." 

The last thing he received from his father was a solid punch to the face. 

o0o 

The young man jolted awake to the sound of knocking. 

Ray quickly rubbed the dried tears from his eyes and stumbled to the front door with an odd sense of urgency he hasn't felt in years...

"G-Geoff?" 

His boss stood in his doorway, hair disheveled like he had been running his hands through it. 

"Hey bud" Geoff replied softly. "I came by to see of you we're alright? I... I can't tell you how sorry I am, really, you're like a son to me." 

At that last statement Rays mind went blank. All he could think about was his fathers looming face and the stench of alcohol. He shook himself and dragged a lazy smile across his face, too familiar with playing it cool. 

"Like I said its alright G-Geoff." Hard as he try he couldn't keep the stutter out of his voice. The lad didn't realize it but a nervous twitch he had as a youth, his fingers rapidly tapping against his palms. Luckily Geoff didn't notice either. 

"O...Okay... Well..." This was so awkward, what did ray do to deserve this. 

Geoff seemed to sensed the tension and shuffled quietly out of the doorway, further into the hallway. The gent scratched his beard and sighed.

"Well... I should go bud, but hey! Come over for dinner this week eh?" He slipped an easy hand onto rays shoulder and god help him Ray did all he could not to jump back. When geoffs hand left his shoulder he felt empty and broke out into a clammy sweat. 

"Sure" was his quiet reply. 

At that his boss left and he closed the door. Despite it being only 5pm, the youngest passed by the kitchen and collapsed onto his soft bedding. This was what he looked forward to when he returned home everyday. When he left his fathers house he left the one good thing he owned. 

His bed has been on the small side but stacked with family quilts and soft pillows. He remembers his mothers soft hums and she sang his sweet Spanish songs and ran her delicate fingers through his hair. 

He sighed deeply remembering those quiet nights. Before his father started drinking, before his mother left... Before he stopped seeing the joy in the sunlight streaming through his blinds... 

Flailing his arms and flipping over he stared at the ceiling with a deep glare, his brown eyes filled with regret and pain. Anger overcame his thoughts as he remembered the anguish his father put him through. He had no right to do those things to his son, and now this! He still couldn't shake the hold his father had on him after all these years... He had a steady job, a good income, amazing fans and great friends... Well he did. 

He blew it. 

They would soon see who he really was and abandon him too. Like his mother. 

Or hurt him. 

He couldn't decide which would be more painful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is out a little late today! Hope all the pain and anguish makes up for it! <3


	3. Chapter 3

The next day Ray went work quietly. The walk was silent, no stupid pop music blaring from his headphones, they simply hung uselessly from his front pocket. There was no spark or bubbly air to his steps, he simply stared unseeing ahead of himself while the cord of his sweatshirt remained locked between his front teeth, receiving quite the beating.

The dark mark on his face was angry and screaming for attention but ray couldn’t bring himself to deal with it when he woke up in the morning. The blemish stretched from below his cheek to curl around his eye delicately. He had nothing to use to cover it so he simply sighed and rushed out the door, hoping to whatever god there was that no one would mention it.   
Walking into stage 5 was easy, walking into the achievement hunter office was not. He was five minutes late and as soon as he opened the door it felt like all five heads whipped around to lock eyes with him. In reality all he got was a few shy side-eyed glances. He kept his eyes ahead of himself and went straight to his desk. 

He tried his best to ignore the awkward tension as he trudged forward and sank into his chair, pulling his headphones and hood up, he effectively hid himself in plain sight.

Everyone noticed the bruise. No one said a word.

o0o

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.”

The sudden yell came from Rays right, his auburn haired friend was filming a Rage Quit while the rest of the men edited or mingled quietly. This video itself was especially frustrating on the jersey man and the screams were endless. Constant yelps and high pitched “FUCK”s rang through the room. Ray heard this every week and he could usually tune him out while he did his work, but not today.   
For some reason the screaming and yelling chipped away at his bubble and penetrated deep into his mind. Leaving anxiety and worry in its wake. Soon, about 35 minutes later he was starting to sweat. Dampness made his sweater cling to him despite the winter weather. He couldn’t focus on his editing and his eyes shot around the room at the others around him. None were effected and continued working quietly while the oldest lad continued slamming his fist on the desk and scattering objects to the floor.

It didn’t take long for the twitching in his hands were becoming too obvious to hide and the desperate whimpers in his throat where getting harder and harder to conceal. Up in a flash the young man stood, mumbling a quick “bathroom” before all but running out of the room. As the door slammed shut the remaining men flinched at the sound. They had all noticed their youngest growing more agitated as the day progressed. None of them said a word for fear the lad would push the lad further into the bubble he’s created himself.

Ray ran to the nearest washroom and slammed the door, immediately locking before stumbling backwards into the stall with a quick bang.   
When his back hit the stall wall a soft yelp escaped his lips and he let his tense body slowly slide to the ground. When his body was fully seated against the stall the puerto rican brought his limbs in and curled up tight. Shivering lightly against the chill of the concrete floor.  
One hand ended up in his dark curls and tugged mercilessly at the brown mess. Further knotting and leaving stray strands askew and crazed. He was a stunning example of anxiety. Something he hadn’t been in years. In just two days the bravado and character he built for himself throughout the last 5 years was gone. Just like that. He longed for that confidence again and cursed himself for being so weak. It was obvious to Ray that he deserved what Geoff gave him, he wouldn’t have hurt the lad if he didn’t, so why was he reacting like this!? He should have taken it like he use to… Back then he would barely flinch and once his dad had drank himself into a stupor Ray would find himself crawling into bed, sometimes at 5 in the evening. He got very use to going to bed without anything to eat.

The last time he allowed himself to be this weak was the year his mother left, before he realized that it was nothing he deserved. It really didn’t take long for that little voice in his head that screamed at him “This is wrong!” to quiet down to a dull whimper.   
Now that this voice was free, it spoke to him late at night, the one that told him his life was wrong and he was broken because of it. He didn’t like this voice, it was so sweet and reminded him of his mother, that was something he was not okay with. He preferred the voice that told him he deserved it, it hurt him less because he knew it was true. It was somehow easier to fake a smile when his mothers voice kept out and he let his fathers voice take charge in his mind. But it wasn’t long before his fathers voice was replaced with his own. Only this version was deeper, darker and told him disturbing things. 

Only when he was 18 and nearing the end of his saintly patient did his mind flirt with suicidal thoughts. When he was old enough to accept that maybe… just maybe his mothers voice was right. This was the deciding factor in him moving out. But with every hit and every new scar, escape seemed impossible. Soon his father pain medication in the bathroom cabinet began looking very pleasing. He would stare at himself in the mirror for hours, contemplating what he would write on his note, who would find him first, if Michael would be upset. He had only known Michael for a few months at this point and his long distance friend knew nothing of his home life. He planned to keep it that way. 

When he met the jersey man it had been online on a site for red vs blue. They were both fans and hit it off right away, easily joking and messaging each other constantly. When Michael suggested skyping, Ray was hesitant, he said no in the beginning and waited until his face was clean of any marks before taking a deep breath and connecting to the call. When Michael moved to Texas and took up a job working for rooster teeth, it was like Rays world collapsed. He would fall asleep crying late at night, the bottle of pills hidden in his dresser singing him sweet songs. Michael was the one that pushed for Ray to get hired on at achievement hunter, simply wanting to be close to his best friend again, he was oblivious to the relief Ray felt when he learnt of his friends efforts. He saved him without even knowing it.

He knew fully that it was Michael that set him off, there was too much screaming, too much anger in the room. The tension felt like it was spring powered and aimed at Ray himself, regardless of knowing it was harmless and exaggerated for the fans. He trusted Michael with his life and up until now had never had a problem with Michaels rage, he knew he would never hurt him. But now… the trust in the room was split and he didn’t know how to fix it. 

He didn’t realize he had already been in the bathroom for 20 minutes until he received a text from Ryan asking if he had gone for food. He only had 3 hours left to go in the day until he could race back to his apartment and crawl into bed. He could make it 3 hours, right…? 

oOo

Gavin was concerned to say the least. A few hours earlier when his youngest boi entered the room he was shaking lightly and avoiding eye contact with those speaking to him. Geoff stood and offered a soft question of “are you okay?” which the lad replied with a jerky head nod and proceeded to his desk.  
Rays behaviour with Geoff had been off all day, but could you blame him? The mark on his face was proof enough, but he still couldn’t shake the thought that maybe this was bigger than everyone perceived it to be. 

He himself was still angry with Geoff for the mans behaviour, they all were, but Geoff was already a wreck with guilt because of it and none of them could hold the flame of anger long enough to really chew him out for it. 

Since yesterday his father figure was a moping depressed mess and as much as the older man denied it, Gavin knew he didn’t sleep at all last night. The bags under his eyes and the depressed glint in the mans facial features was enough proof that the man was seconds away from breaking down at any moment. The brit simply shook his head and let his eyes drift to the clock in the corner of his screen. It was a minute to four pm and soon they would all pack up and go home. He wondered what Ray did at home alone, he had never been to the mans house and the man almost never went out with them. He worried about his boi a lot, especially now. 

As soon as the clock rolled over the four Ray was up out of his chair, bag in hand and heading to the door before anyone could say a word. But before he could fully open the door, a hand shot out and caught his shoulder, spinning him around and his back hit the closed door. He tried so hard not too flinch, especially since it was Michael that grabbed him.   
“Ray! Me and Gav were planning a lads night at mine, want to join…?”

Ray just stared unblinking as he thought about it. He hadn’t hung out with them in months. He wanted so badly to say yes but he was so stressed out and exhausted from his earlier anxiety attack that he just shook his head. “Im gunna have to pass, I’ve got some stuff to do a home and…” he couldn’t even finish the lie but Michael was already nodding and removing his hand from the mans shoulder. Ray missed the warm contact.   
“No problem. But if you change your mind, you know where to find us, yeah?” 

The puerto rican just nodded and fled the office, but not before seeing the disappointed look Gavin gave Michael when the jersey man turned back into the office. His chest clenched tightly and he felt his anxiety rising as he walked quickly out of the building. Maybe he really needed a night with his friends. To just relax and be himself again, without fear. Oh god what did he do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Should this go Raychael or lads OT3? because i love it either way.


End file.
